It’s what will keep me sane 😑
I learned a while ago that life is much simpler (and easier) if I just don’t verbally resist–waste of my energy and time. I especially don’t want to waste time (unlike money, I can NEVER be given more of such a precious commodity) on the ex (baby daddy). Basically, I had to push my ego aside and let him have his way with many a-things (w/ all his nagging, I usually imagine a stereotypical nagging ex-wife)… I would find myself rolling the eyeballs often accompanied by the inevitable, exhaustive sighs of having to deal w/ a person who can’t seem to move on.
I also keep on repeating to myself how much of how he’s acting is really just how he is on the inside–unhappy and sometimes just plain ugly.
What I find sad is how my daughter seems to put the ex on a pedestal. If it were deserving or somebody to look up to, it wouldn’t hurt me as much. But because I know how much of a victim he makes himself to be, I just don’t want my child to think that it’s an admirable trait to have thinking that when unpleasant stuff happens in her life, that it’s everybody else’s fault other than her own.
I want her to know that stuff happens, you either deal with what’s happened and move forward or sit there and mope/whine/feeling sorry for herself. No, thank you!! Please have a stronger sense of self than that.
I’m certainly not perfect, but at least I’m working on my issues.
No more am I just going to stay by though. There are certain things I will put up with and won’t. Now that our child is getting older, I will let her see the tidbits of how her “great” dad is–I won’t have to do anything because he can do everything on his own. No more of me protecting how he really is from her. Life is about pain, sadness, joy, and happiness. She’s going to have to feel and deal with all of that. We all do! This is the reality of life.
Compared to what I’ve gone through, our child is fortunate in so many ways. And sometimes it takes some tough times to be able to appreciate the better times. Just like when I get sick–I don’t realize how fortunate I am to be well until I’m sick–I ALWAYS use that as a reminder! So, I think it’s okay for her to feel natural unpleasantness of life to be reminded that she’s got it made when things are going well.
Right now, I’m just going through that phase of being that bigger person–it’s friggin tiring! Seriously, it’s like, “man, it’s been YEARS, please find a different hobby.”
He probably feels bad thinking he could’ve done more while we were together, or maybe he sees the physical proof of what him and I could never have because of his being (mindset). That would definitely upset me, too! Or maybe he doesn’t see those at all because he thinks that where I am today is holding him to where he is and because of me, he CAN’T move on. He’s mentioned something similar to me before… I finally told him that if I had that much power over him, I’d make him do plenty of other things, hahaha! If I had that kind of power over him, I certainly wouldn’t choose to have him annoy me, DUH!! Never heard him mention anything about me making doing things, hahaha!
Oh, and not long ago, he was saying how he knew what I was up to just from a little back-and-forth about my daughter wanting to spend extra time w/ him. He said that he knows what I’m up to–um… what??? All I wanted to say was “wth are you talking about?” Until I realized I don’t even care about the answer. I was just dumbfounded–yes, after all these years, just when I don’t think he could say more dumb stuff, he does. Again, i just remind myself that it’s obviously him who has hidden motives–it’s the one who are the most suspicious that are committing the crime.
Okay, I feel better now… To get that out of my head and off my chest. And to remember that I’ve got an awesome life going and he’s just the price that I have to pay–the world needs some balance 😊